It all started officially on the 12 of November. We had our first date. We met at Push café, and I can't tell you how beautiful he looked just sitting there...waiting for me. I had been running a few minutes late, and he had already started on some mint tea.
I had met him some time before that in my store. I didn't remember him right away from that experience until we started talking more about it (as I see so many people on a daily basis), and then it started to come back to me. I remember thinking how attractive (hot ;-)) he was, and how sweet he seemed. He had a good vibe to him even then and there.
So we got to talking at Push, and he was funny and interesting and seemed very down-to-earth. There weren't any false pretenses on his side. Which, also confused me because in some weird way, if a guy isn't trying to put on false pretenses, I wonder that maybe he doesn't like me. I've become so entrapped in my weird little world, that if someone is really just being themselves and genuine, I take it to mean that maybe he's not interested. (I had to fight back all my façades that kept trying to creep in on us).
He left for a bathroom break, and I kept thinking to myself how wonderful he seemed, and how I hoped that I wasn't coming off as not liking him. I tried to be more outgoing, and I even gave the hint that I never make the first move...I gave this hint at some point in the evening...he told me that I did, and I don't remember exactly when as I was so nervous around him at first. Or nervous that maybe I'd have to make the first move after all.
So after much talking, we decided to go elsewhere. I was hungry, so I invited him out to dinner at Galaxy Global Eatery. It's a great little place, and I enjoy it a lot. So, I figured that maybe he would, too. I think he did. All I know is that I don't even remember what all we were talking about at this point because I couldn't get out of my head how much I just wanted to kiss him and not have this night end.
It's funny that when you want something to NOT end so earnestly, you tend to actually lose track of what is happening.
We ate; we talked; we drank. We decided that the night shouldn't end there. He took me to this little bar that he knew of...I had never been there, and we sat down and had a few more drinks. Finally, he kissed me. Amazing.
We walked to the subway holding hands. We kissed on the platform. My train came and I didn't want to go. We kissed goodbye. I sat down in the car. I smiled. The thought came, "he's the one."
Since then, things have been great. We celebrated Xmas together, and so far life has been really good. There are so many sweet things that he does for me. He cooks for me when it's late and we've not eaten yet. He brings me lunch once in awhile. He brings me chocolates when I'm stressed or not feeling so well. He remembers important dates. He texts or calls me at least once a day.
Whether or not he ends up being "the one" or not, he is right now in my life. This is something that is very real to me and very much what I've been looking for. Normally I'm worried to let people know what I think or I think that giving them too much of an inside look at my feelings will give them an advantage. But, not with him. I want him to know how I think and what I think of us. I don't feel afraid to let him know where I stand and what's going on. When I'm upset, I've been able to talk with him about it. We've already had "discussions", and he's okeh with them. Neither of us like it, or revel in it in any way, but we are able to have them and make something of them.
He's a beautiful person, and just the type of guy that I've always imagined myself being with. He's talented and he's artistic. He's loyal and he's sweet.
This time I'm doing my best to enjoy this, and I'm trying to keep bad feelings away. They are always there; they haunt me all the time. But it's not about if they are there or not -- usually they are. It's about how we use them and to what extent we listen to them. If I can't trust him, I can't expect him to trust me. And I want him to trust me. And I want to trust him. And I do.
Thank you, Andrew. Thank you for making the first move. :-)